Rant of the Day: The Many Exploits of Carlos Estevez

It seems that of late, we are all being bombarded with the exploits of one Carlos Estevez. Better known of course, as Charlie Sheen.  Yes, that would be the same Charlie Sheen that is paid nearly 2 million dollars an episode on "Two and a Half Men." At 2 mill an episode, for 24 episodes a season, my calculations are that he makes 48 million dollars a year, at least! (I passed basic math thanks to No Child Left Behind *insert proud grin, here*).  That's just not enough, though.  No, because of all of the mental stress that the network  has caused, he now needs 3 million an episode to support the family that he loves.  If by "family", he means, "coke and hookers addiction," I'll buy that.  Apparently 48 mill is just not enough to support 3 ex-wives, five kids, and all those porn stars he keeps locked in hotel bathrooms.  He needs an additional 24 on top of that to feel stable.  Well damn, and I thought we were doing fine at just under 40 thousand a year. Boy was I wrong! Hey, my kids mentally abuse me. Give me more money!

On Dateline, he was talking about the three things that feed his very essence and fuel his life with his "goddesses" (two 24-year-old ho's who he met on the cross-town bus).  My initial guess was: ecstasy, more ecstasy and Viagra, but apparently one of those things was supposed to be tiger blood.  My bad. Awe, but let's expand on these "goddesses," shall we. Charlie Sheen's goddesses are a Penthouse Pet/Hustler model/porn star and a Cali-Chronic X (yeah, pot mag) model.  Sorry gals, but not everyone can be Playmate material. Now get back to your corner bitch, you're losin' me money! (said the pimp who used to employ these two, upstanding, glorifird nannies). It was on their ways back to said corner that they stumbled upon some old guy with expensive drugs, and he was none other than, you guessed it, ol' Carlos Sheen with a bag of free "candy".  Recap: When you don't even rate on the scale of what Heff feeds his dogs, you become one of "Charlie's Goddesses."  I bet right about now they're wishing that they'd listened to Bosley when he directed them AWAY from the scary old guy on that show about a horny drunk who wears the same shirt every day, his gay brother and the fat kid. 

Of course now he's claiming to be drug free.  Dude, just because you had your dealer attach prescription lables to your cocaine and vodka, that does not make it legit!