Thought of the Day: It's been a while...

Greetings Minions! It is none other than your fearless leader, Anna. I have a favor to ask. Could you all go to your bank accounts and transfer about $100 bucks to mine? Thanks bunches.

So anyway, let me first give a shout out to my old frienemy, Anonymous. I hope your herpes are staying at bay. Would hate to think you couldn't go protest the war on account of an itchy breakout. Was that too much?...I'll admonish myself later. So anyway, I hope you are all doing well. I know I am. Let's see, in the months since I last posted, I have fallen totally in love with performing improv, and just recently started writing sketch comedy, with a very promising response to my sketches.  The Pushers are awesome teachers! Oh, plus Horatio Sanz retweeted me on twitter, and I felt like the coolest kid on the block. I've also made some amazing friends who actually don't think it's cool to suck. They pretty much all work in the Hampton Roads comedy underground, or perform in bands, or are just awesome for breathing. It only took me fourteen years to become a part of this, but I don't plan on doing anything else, now that I have found it. I am sure the fact that I am amazingly happy makes that vein on the side of Anonymous's bulbous dome just throb with hate. Don't worry Anonymous, someday they'll find a cure for stupid, and then maybe you can do something great, too...lol, naw.

So let's see, current events. Lindsey Lohan is getting paid %1M to show her boobs in Playboy. You all know how much I love Playboy, so the thought of her booze-hound ass polluting the pages kinda makes me want to drink. But since so many old perverts want to see if her carpet matches her drapes, I'm sure that Hef will make a nice return...so that's good.

So Stephanie Meyer is still being encouraged to write...which means that Nietzsche could be right. I wonder what she's writing about, this time. Witches who only cast spells on people who have engaged in sex outside of marriage, and instead of flying on brooms, they drive Mercedes because their virgin butts can't ride in anything but the best...oh, and they sparkle, for no apparent reason, at 2:30 AM (the Witching Hour is 3 AM, but we all know how Ms. Meyer likes to fuck everything up...so...)

Well, it's time for me to place my offspring in their slumber pods (as my daughter sings Old McDonald had a farm, "he i he i ho...wit a him ho here and a him ho dare....he i he i ho,"....my kids are awesome), so I will dismiss you from this meeting of brains with one final thought. Occupy Wall Street, serious business, or just another opportunity for t-shirt companies to capitalize on new-age rabble rousers. Discuss.

Thought of the Day...

So the other night, when all of the storms were headed through here, all of the tornado warnings were going up, and the National Weather Service was issuing guidelines for the storm.  In these guidelines, those in building were told to find shelter in an inside room on the lowest level of the dwelling they were in...while those in mobile homes were told to find shelter in a car or outside.  What I deduced form this was, "If you are in a structurally sound building, find shelter.  However, if you are in a trailer, your ass is better off outside with the tornado. Good luck."  Does this make anyone else say what the fetch!?

Thought of the day...

It would be kind of interesting if Pastor Terry Jones, the inbred from Florida, died today. Let me set the stage. He walks up to the pearly gates, smiling proudly because he is sure he's in the right place, just for God to say, "HA! APRIL FOOLS!" and down the chute 'e goes! Awe, to be a fly on the walls of heaven.

Say... wonder if the celebrate April Fools Day in Heaven...

Thought of the day...

Trojan's new ad just does not appeal to me.  When a condom ad could very easily double as an Icy Hot ad, this does not excite me...it will be cold, and then it will burn...a lot! No thanks!

Thought of the day...

Watching the new Scream trailer...is it just me, or does the masked killer sound a lot like Charlie Sheen? That bastard's everywhere!!!

Thought of the day...

Mock Charlie Rant:
Alien supermodel assassins from Uranus are coming to steal your children and dress them in drag!!! (yes?...no?)

Thought of the day...Part III

Look, I understand that habitual liars can't help it, SOMETIMES, but at other times, why don't they just take the high road and shut the heck up! All I want to do is say, "no you didn't, no you can't and no you aren't," but instead I just smile and nod and say, "oh, that's cool..."...but no, no it's not...Penelope! (no, you did NOT invent oxygen so I do NOT owe you 10 cents every time I breathe!)

Thought of the day...Part II

You know why I can't stand people like Snookie?  Here I have a dream that I am willing to put a lot of work into (but my kids always come first, which is why my dream is on hold), meanwhile, she is famous for being a drunk, uncouth, loud-mouthed little troll who got picked out of a crowd to be on a show because of her ability to exhibit those abilities to a very accommodating public.

Thought of the day...

Who came up with the name of the US operation over Libya?  It sounds like something a celebrity would name their kid.

Thought of the day...

The Real World is beginning it's 25th season in Vegas...more repressed sluts, sleazy party boys and closet homosexuals...but now in HD!!!

Thought of the day...

Keira Knightley's mouth makes me uncomfortable. There, I said it. It's so small and fish-like. It's like god ran out of people mouths...

Thought of the day...

So Mike was joking with his dad about building a two bedroom in-law sweet for he and Mike's mom and for my mom, and I said, "yeah, they'd be like Three is Company for old people.  Their theme song would be, "come and knock on my door...if I don't answer call an ambulance...because I probably fell down..."

Thought of the day...

I am now "following" Charlie Sheen on Twitter.  The entertainment value is undeniable. I mean the man refers to himself, in third person, and The Warlock.  An unemployed, winning warlock that drinks tigers blood and apparently likes baseball analogies a lot (I guess it makes sense being that the only descent film role he ever had was that of a baseball player).  In short, I was curious. Charlie Sheen is like a multi-car pile-up caused by a train explosion during Mardi Gras. How can you not look?!

Thought of the day...

James Franco is getting his PhD at Yale, and not the honorary kind like Alice Cooper has. I mean like the real, "you have to study and go to class and refrain from smoking pot with undergrads," kind.  When I heard he was going back to school, I figured he was getting a BA in...like...acting. 

Living in a universe where James Franco is getting a PhD from an Ivy League (*a second-rate one, based on the highly regarded opinion of Mr. Howell, but an Ivy none-the-less), I don't feel nearly as stupid anymore.  In fact, the world feels as if it may actually be my oyster.  I didn't even know Franco could read!

I wonder if they let him become a Skull...maybe part of his hazing was to host the Oscar's with Anne Hathaway (dress wearing optional).

*that was my disclaimer...that's all I got, people.

Thought of the day...

Ever had a friend who was a real douchebag?  You know, that guy that you hang out with, but have no idea why, because you totally loath the bastard.  Anything you have done, he has done five times, and better, and faster, and would show you the pictures to prove it only they were lost in the fire that engulfed his apartment building...you know, the fire that have saved all of those crippled orphans from.  Yeah, that asshole.You know who he (or she) is.  We all have one. Why do we hang out with that guy?  I'll tell you why. Because everyone needs someone to hate.  That's right, I said it. We all want someone that we can detest because it creates a balance. Without that one irritating assclown, you would not appreciate all of the mediocre friends you have. 

Thought of the day...

My children have rendered me unable to project a full thought...I apologize for this, and hope to have something creative to say, tomorrow...

Thought of the day...

Suicide Girls keep getting more and more ugly.  You can have all of the pretty tat's you want, but if you have a hairy back, frowny-boobs and fupu, a Bettie Page do and ruby red lips does not sexy make.  Find yourself a new hobby...like bird watching...at night.

Thought of the day...

With all of the advances in cosmetic medicine, and all of the cheap "quick fix" options available at CVS and Rite Aid at our very disposal, why are there still so many unfortunate looking people out there? It's frightening! Put some concealer on that thing for petesake! Come on lady, wax your beard off! It's scaring my kids!

Thought of the day...

I wonder if neo-Nazi skinheads realize just how utterly stupid they look with their bald, q-ball heads, in their red overall nickers, tube socks and untied combat boots.  I mean, honestly, are they going for the, "dense farmers son who porks sheep," look...because if so, they hit the nail right on the head!

Thought of the day...

After living back in the states just one month, I am already quite convinced that the only aspiration in some people's lives is to make it to the "People of Wal-mart" website...